~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~(offensive pic replaced by smelly vapor)
So, I was all slugged out at the Marriott at Thanksgiving Point when I decided to do a long one, a day early. 12 miles is all...I got out there and realized I had forgotten both my Garmin and my iPod so I just decided to run two hours, in the heat and with my Fuel Belt.
I decided to run for 30 minutes and then start figuring out when to drink and where to refill, as my Fuel Belt only holds about 24 ounces and that isn't enough for me in the heat (okay only 75 degrees or so but hot enough for me to whine).
Soon I begin to feel the sausage from the complementary hotel breakfast, ugh. I kept plodding, on dead legs which should have been awake by now...a couple of construction detours later and I was on an alternate route, heading down a very long and uncerrtain route. I had an hour plus left to run so I thought even if there wasn't a road cutting back up to the motel I still had time to backtrack. Well. 40 minutes later I didn't want to backtrack.
I smelled rotting flesh somewhere in the brush so I ran past, eyeing the curve in the road...as I approached the curve, crossed the tracks, I saw before me a very long road...I thought I could see a stop sign in the distance, maybe an intersecting road headed back the right direction!
Soon I smelled another stinky smell, a familiar one it took me a mile to identify. It was the smell I smelled when, as a 19 year old, I had danced with a guy from Alpine...who worked on a pig farm. It was the worst! 30 yards after I had figured it out I saw a sign, the only house out there. It said "ALLRED PIG FARM:. K. One mystery solved. But I was still eyeing the tiny red dot in the distance, was it a stop sign?
It was a mirage, a turn in the road with a mail box sticking out. There was a dirt road going off to the right, in the right direction, but it was gated and covered with "no trespassing, violaters will be shot and then drowned and then hung by their toenails". Of course I took that road, ducking under the gate and running faster through the field. Hey Nate. No one shot me. It's okay. You can put your gun away. There was a rise, didn't know what was on the other side of the rise so I went up it and saw....
The Biggest Golf Course ever. On the other side of this amazing gulf of green I could make out my motel. It seemed hours away but I started off on the golf cart trail, meeting many golfers on the way who looked at me questioningly. I also saw more no trespassing signs and many strange looks. I walked and walked, noting a river I would need to cross....which I eventually did, now another half mile the wrong direction from the motel. I should have ran but I was out of water, you know?
I finally made it, over the pig farm and through the golf course and onto the frontage road.....when I saw a dead skunk.
Yup, I saw it and the wind was blowing the right direction. It didn't stink till I passed it and then my eyes watered from the stink the rest of the way home.
Don't ask me how far I ran. No idea.