Monday, December 20, 2010

Dear Elaine

10.9 miles today, pretty fast...a very good running day.
Let's be real. I'm writing this for me, not a lot of you are commenting, ha.
I decided I am a 4-5 day a week runner, sometimes only 3. I don't like slow plodding, never have. I know I am supposed to and that is the best training for marathoners but I am officially out on my own now. It feels so good to just run far and fast, recover, then do it again. I'm too old to do that every day so I take a rest day, yes, a complete no-exercise day....I also like not having a coach as my body is so unpredictable; sometimes I can kill it and other times I am a no show....but I always come back. I will do more cross-training though, very soon! My son is getting a bike trainer for Christmas and I intend to make sure it is well used.
I am also excited about my MRI seems just knowing I can safely run has lessened the pain. I really think a lot of the problem is residual hernia surgery pain, even though it's been way too long; it seems to be gradually relieving. I'm following my brother Mark's strategy, running to the edge of the pain, stopping till it feels better, then doing it again. Seems to be working. I am still on the treadmill; the days I want to go outside the weather responds with slick icy stuff--not worth it for me. I am excited for my time on the road and in Arizona in January. I will get some outside runs in then for sure.
I need to get a career and very, very soon. Suggestions?

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

tiny micro tear in tendon connecting the gluteus minimus

I knew there was a reason I have such a flat butt. However, no dice on the excuse meter. The orthopedic surgeon said I am free to train as hard as I want. Does this man know me???

It's all my autoimmune basket of woes. I hurt everywhere right now from my woeful 9 miler on the treadmill. Maybe it's the treadmill? Too expensive?

Thursday, December 9, 2010

honesty meter

My brother has reminded me this morning that I have fallen off the wagon. I haven't posted since I haven't made it to the YMCA....maybe today? I've still been running hard but everything hurts this morning; it is definitely going to be a strengthen your core day!

However, to my great surprise, I have noticed I am on track. No fat talk yesterday, did that. Tune out media, did that Sunday and mostly yesterday too.

But I really need to get to the gym, join it, get a swimming teacher or PFT. Nag me.

Monday, December 6, 2010

Da report of Day Four and aren't we on Day 6???

I watched 7 conference talks while I ran 9.75 miles, one before I actually started, and one 3 times...but the best part of my equal time thing for today started in the wee hours of the morning. And yesterday, a no technology day. I highly recommend it! I felt more peace, less noise, and yes, I did finally gain some clarity in those wee hours. I know what to do this week. I thought of some stuff I could feel good about. And so far, I am on track!
Also, my boys and I talked about the resurrection yesterday: Will we be resurrected with our same bodies, but perfected and immortal? Or will the state of our bodies be reflective, at least to some degree, of how we took care of them on this earth? If so, I must gain 6 pack abs before I die--I may die trying, ha..
Day Five challenge says this: Exercise for fun. Choose a form of exercise you wouldn't normally choose because it calls attention to your body. Hmmm, sounds like swimming, which I do need to do. I need to get to the gym, sign up, and start doing the aquajogging thing again. Maybe tomorrow when the MRI results come back and they tell me I must get a hip replacement, ha. Or sooner...since that was yesterday's challenge. (However I am not apologizing for my no-technology-Sunday. That was my best idea lately).
I am going to go look at Day Six now. I think I will do core work later today, even push-ups, which I normally don't do because...I can go down on the push-up, but when I try to go up, I fall on my face and my boys laugh. And it really is maybe it qualifies? I can't make it to the gym today, no time.
Between now and the next time I post I will join the gym, schedule an aquajogging session, and do this challenge for Day Six:
Refrain from talk about weight or shape of self and others. (woops!) Be aware of how often you
compare yourself to others, and evaluate how this makes you feel.
The obsession with weight, shape and appearance continues among women
partially because we encourage it in each other. We have made it unacceptable for a woman
to be at peace with her body. Refraining from speaking about weight and shape--positively
or negatively--allows us to focus on a person’s real value and worth.

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Day four, sort of

How much time do you spend getting ready each day? Today, use the same amount of
time to get ready on the inside. Meditate, write in your journal, or perform an act of service. Women spend thousands of hours on their appearances over a lifetime. Think about what you could accomplish if you spent the same amount of time each day preparing your inner self. How would you be different? How would each day be different?
“If you dwell on the things you’re not, you’ll miss out on the things you really are.”
Journal: Did you notice a difference in how you felt throughout the day? Explore why or why not.

I just now read this challenge so I will have to focus more on it tomorrow...tomorrow is Sunday, Fast Sunday, so it will be easy. The only thing I want to say is that I have been thinking about giving God equal time. When I run on the treadmill I watch the things I have on the DVR. First I listen to conference talks; I am finding that for a two hour run I need to listen to about four and then whatever else.

But here is the weird thing. I run faster and longer when I am listening to a conference talk than when listening to anything else. The Spirit even helps with running, even if I'm being so intense I must listen to the talk three times to remember even what he is talking about.

And I feel I have been reminded in the last several years who I really am; I sense a slowing down, a going back to nature and the meditative sessions I used to have at the top of the hill when I was growing up. Less noise, more peace, less addictive tendencies, real relationship. Okay, I don't think I can really slow down; I want to make progress faster, but I feel this will be accomplished, ironically, as I slow down. Everything in me wants to do more faster, even as it seems I do less, and slower.

Who am I really? I will think and fast more about that tomorrow and maybe even write some of it here.

Friday, December 3, 2010

Day 3 Challenge

 Make a list of 10 positive things you like about yourself that have nothing to do with your appearance--and 10 things you like about your appearance.
1) I'm humble, REALLY humble :)
2) I'm about as honest as they come
3) Um....that kinda leaves me nowhere, doesn't it? I'm either going to have to lie or not be humble....
    I love fruit--I like that about myself.
4) I've been taught some amazing things about music; recently I remembered my Dad told me to marry someone who would respect my need for music. So I finally got myself a better way to play music in my house
5) I like my down-to-earth-ed-ness
6) I like the fact that I'm available to others, many others
7) I like my intense nature, especially when it translates to ambition. I get more done, more meaningful things done.
8) Struggling here...10 is a lot, isn't it? I like the way I teach--I let others teach. I just ask questions
9)  I like my cooking. I may be the only one, but I like my cooking
10) I like that I have all sorts of friends; I don't just like people who fit in some category

I'm done. What was the next thing? Things I like about my appearance:
1) my eyes are a really light color of blue
2) I am very fair. I used to hate this but now I like it because it's so different
3) I'm a good height
4) I have cute feet
5) oh knees are symmetrical
6) my hair
7) Oh yeah! A friend once told me I have a ski jump nose. I think that's a good thing
8) my teeth, now that they are fixed
9) I have pretty cool sternocleidomastoid muscles, on both sides.
10) my ears....they're pretty normal, I think. 

red herring

Sleep deprived for weeks, I put myself to bed early last night and determined to stay there until I got some sleep. So I dreamed, which I never do. It was an interesting dream, with a couple of levels, as Inception would call it.

I dreamed I took the elevator up to the 31st floor; I was with someone, I don't know who, probably Paul. It was a circular building, like they have at the south entrance of the Grand Canyon; standing in the center is the hole like you are looking down a cylinder--I could see almost to the bottom. And I was holding my keys, to which were attached my driver's license and everything valuable to me. As I looked down I of course dropped my keys. I watched in horror as they continued from floor to floor until I couldn't see them anymore. I started running down the stairs as fast as I could go, asking on each floor if they had seen my keys, finally arriving at the bottom floor. It was covered with sawdust with a dirt floor and a guy who had horses outside; he was building something. And there were my keys sitting there for the taking. He barely grunted as I grabbed them.

Suddenly I was at the top again, as if I had reached down all those floors to get my keys and, in trying to get back, was stuck braced against the center pole with one hand, my keys in the other hand. I was leaned too far out; if I let go I would fall down the 31 floors. I struggled, there was no one there to help. As I gave up and realized I would fall, I woke up.

Except I wasn't awake. I was still dreaming. I remember thinking God had saved me by waking me up so I could have both the keys, my identity, and my life. It seemed like I was in that state for a long time when I woke up again--this time I really did wake up.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Day 2 Assignment

 How does God define beauty?

The good kind of beauty
Isaiah 52:7
¶How beautiful upon the mountains are the feet of him that bringeth good tidings, that publisheth peace; that bringeth good tidings of good, that publisheth salvation; that saith unto Zion, Thy God reigneth!

The snob type
Isaiah 3:27
And it shall come to pass, that instead of sweet smell there shall be stink; and instead of a girdle a rent; and instead of well set hair baldness; and instead of a stomacher a girding of sackcloth; and burning instead of beauty.

Don't worry, this is only for ten's going to be good for me though. How does God define beauty? I found many references for beauty, seen in a negative light when it is used to be "better than" and a positive light when it is the effect of turning towards God.

Once again, when our spirits connect with our bodies in loving, positive ways, it is Good. And that is what relationship does, especially pure love. That's when I think we are the most beautiful. We've all looked in the mirror when we are angry, down and OUT, or even in despair. It isn't a pretty sight. When I used to pout my Dad would always point out to me I looked a lot better with the smile. Even the worst features can be transformed by Light and be attractive, very attractive.

Alma 5:14
And now behold, I ask of you, my brethren of the church, have ye spiritually been born of God? Have ye received his image in your countenances? Have ye experienced this mighty change in your hearts?

I've made a jump from relationship to spiritually being born of God. Yet I think that is the ultimate relationship, from which others spring. However, it is important to also love ourselves. Have you ever been "loved" by someone who doesn't love themselves? It can get toxic, and quickly. I have times where I hate myself, yet I love myself. It is the times when I'm apathetic, when I don't care, when nothing seems worth it is those times when relationships suffer, not only with myself, but with others.


    Wednesday, December 1, 2010

    First Day Assignment

    Okay, I'm doing this Recapturing Beauty 10-Day Challenge. My first task is to write all the ways I am grateful for all the things my body allows me to do, for ten minutes.

    And maybe I don't need this as much as I used to. I am just now realizing how grateful I have been in the last several years. When I was young and good-looking I thought about how fat I was, how too white blonde I was...and that was about it. I didn't appreciate my youth.

    But now I do, and I appreciate my current age too, oh the joys of old age maturity. I was going to insert a google image here but, wow! There isn't a lot of respect for old age on google. All the pictures aren't very nice.

    But back to topic, my minutes are ticking. Okay, maybe I really do need this. Here I go...I am grateful to be able to RUN! Duh. But honestly? The time I most appreciated that was in the middle of my first marathon, realizing I was not on track to qualify for Boston, my hips were locked up, I was in huge pain, I was tired, and I had THIRTEEN.1 miles to the rain. (It was only a short while before that 13 was the absolute farthest I could go before death). I prayed, for the first time, about my running. And God answered, (not to be confused with the Running Gods so often mentioned on Facebook). He allowed me to do better in my head, which Jill was telling me I needed to do. (She was of course, right). He helped me with my thoughts so my legs could work. God connected my spirit with my body in yet another way. I was so grateful my legs continued to work, even if in pain, to be able to run. In that vein I'm thankful for quads and calves and my FEET. I'm really, really grateful for my feet. And my knees. And my arms when my legs are so tired my arms become pistons, in a sense.

    Shortly after that I became aware of the majesty of the human body, any human body. I'm not kidding. I started to see it as the creation it is, maybe the way great sculptors see it. I am to this day quite capable of being awed by anybody's body, and not in a perverted way...I just think it's amazing. I can walk upright, I am almost hairless compared to most other animals. Oh, this is getting weird.

    I'm thankful for my mind. When it works, it's great. And sometimes it does work. There is nothing so fun as finally "getting" it or seeing it click with someone else.

    I'm grateful for my ribs, which are often hard to find, but I've thought before about what they protect, my heart, (which still beats by the way), my lungs, my heart.

    I'm grateful for my hands, mostly because of what they can do; I'm grateful for my opposable thumb, yup. I can hold things.

    I'm out of time. I am grateful I can see.  I love being able to see, especially light. Even newborns seek the light and I have been very aware of light, or the lack thereof, for as long as I can remember.
    I am grateful I can see, and for whomever thought of this crazy idea to help me see even better.